Finding Erin

People who know me know I’m not one to dress up or get all “dolled up”.  Recently I was asked to make a list of “My Beliefs”.  I didn’t know what this meant.  I included a few sections about spiritual beliefs, political beliefs, relational beliefs, and then I came to the section that I could only title “About Me”.  I had to be honest so I wrote down “I don’t think anyone is going to notice me anyways so why try” about my looks.  I wasn’t upset about this, it didn’t make me depressed – it just simply was.  It was how I lived my life since I hit puberty really.  I never do my hair – opting to pull it out if my face in a tight ponytail instead.  I owned some makeup for prom and such in high school but I’ve never worn it since.  My clothes used to be casual office attire when I worked in the business world, but lately they’ve changed to blue jeans and t-shirts.  I realized that not only did I not care, I didn’t think others who loved me cared either.

My boyfriend told me “I just want to take you out and you look nice and feel good about yourself.  Put on a skirt, do your hair, try.”  I realized he was right, I feel better when I’m considered beautiful.  Ok, so “You are a child of the King, God doesn’t make mistakes, Beauty is what’s inside” kept running through my head but on the outside I didn’t feel pretty.

In Spanish there are two ways to say most adjectives.  Beautiful is bonita, but you can say es bonita or está bonita.  Es bonita means she is beautiful in her soul, her spirit is beautiful, the kind of beauty God sees in us.  Está bonita means she is beautiful because she is wearing a beautiful dress, her hair is done, and she is pretty tonight.  I believe everyone is beautiful in the first way, but a girl just wants to be thought of as está bonita once in a while.

So i set out on a mission.  Get my flat, thin, frizzy, oily hair under some sense of control; and put some kind of color on my face.  Take more time than 5 mins to get ready.  Try.  As we all know, beauty products are EXPENSIVE, and I had none…zero.  I had a bottle of shampoo, not even any conditioner.  I set out to find deals and since I didn’t want to buy everything under the sun and try it, I did my research.  Pinterest and YouTube are now my best friends.  I’m sucked in and I kinda like feeling pretty.  There are still days that I don’t get out of my pj pants and t-shirts, and there are still days I go out without my hair done, but slowly I’m pulling stuff together.  I’m learning the things I never cared to know.  I love the compliments I get from my friends and loved ones, and when my boyfriend sends me texts back that say “looking good!” I get practically giddy.

I think I’m on the right track, and who knows, I might even learn to like myself a little better.

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